A COMPOSITION OF LITERARY TITLES

In the beginning of NINETEEN EIGHTY FOUR, like a celebrity I visited the CITY OF GOD to see THE REJECTED STONE but my journey was cut short when I saw SILAS MARNER who told me that SIZWE BANSI IS DEAD and that he was going to see THE INTERPRETERS to know the cause of the death and if he should attend the burial. I could remember THE INTERPRETERS telling me; “AS YOU GO TO COLLEGE, do not follow the ANGELS AND DEMONS but rather be a MAN FOR ALL SEASONS”. Hmm that was many years ago.

I followed SILAS MARNER feeling sorry for him because he was a brother to Sizwe Bansi. As we walked, we saw the WOMEN OF OWU who lamented saying: “OUR HUSBAND HAS GONE MAD AGAIN”. What do you expect when all the WOMEN OF OWU married just one man? I was shocked because things were NO LONGER AT EASE in the city. They told us that their home was now a case of ONE MORE WIFE, SOME MORE TROUBLE. But they were filled with hope as they yelled “don’t worry, OUR CHILDREN ARE COMING.”

ROMEO AND JULIET were the next to come to us. They complained bitterly of THE WICKEDNESS OF MEN telling us that the MERCHANT OF VENICE had given them a TOAD FOR SUPPER. Ah! What a wicked merchant. Who would have thought that beggars go on strike? So I thought till I heard of the BEGGARS STRIKE. Why on earth did they go on strike? They were angry with DOCTOR FAUSTUS for using THE MAGIC SWORD to kill the beggars’ president.

I was filled with GREAT EXPECTATIONS when I saw the SONS AND DAUGHTER of Shakespeare. I hoped one of his sons would marry NGOZI MY DAUGHTER but he presented a PURPLE HIBISCUS to me saying despite NGOZI MY DAUGHTER was beautiful, THE BEAUTIFUL ONES ARE NOT YET BORN.

We saw ANTHONY AND CLEOPATRA in a romance state and advised them not to get married under HALF OF A YELLOW SUN. We were thrilled that their love was strong and interesting. They told us that their marriage was going to take place in AN AFRICAN NIGHT ENTERTAINMENT. Wow! With such great love I was sure Cleopatra would not be A BRIDE WITHOUT A GROOM.

No one ever wondered the cause of the struggle between THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA. However during MOTHER’S MOONLIGHT FOLKTALE, I learnt that the old man was trying to get the POTTER’S WHEEL from the sea where the young potter had lost it. What a kind old man!

After a tough argument between my SONS AND DAUGHTERS, I experienced THE OTHER SIDE OF SILENCE in my home but just then, one of my sons who was a potter hit NGOZI MY DAUGHTER with the POTTER’S WHEEL living her unconscious.

Indeed THERE WAS A COUNTRY where no one ate WITHOUT A SILVER SPOON; where BANANA LEAVES were currency notes. I had wanted to go there till I heard it was governed by the LORD OF THE FLIES. Who then were the inhabitants? Flies????

Who was to blame for Sizwe Bansi’s death? The gods? No! THE GODS ARE NOT TO BLAME. Never!  We moved on, and to our greatest shock, we saw an AMERICANAH with the EGG OF LIFE. This indeed led to the WIVES REVOLT as they saw it as an abomination.

As we approached the ANIMAL FARM, I saw the GOVERNMENT INSPECTOR performing his LAST DUTY. I offered to help but just then something brushed my legs; it was the international PASSPORT OF MALLAM ILLIA. What was it doing in the ANIMAL FARM? Was mallam Illia a Farmer?

After the civil war, without MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING, I decided to bid FAREWELL TO ARMS but I made an EVERLASTING MISTAKE when I went with THE ARMS AND THE MAN to avenge JULIO CAESAR’S DEATH.

Have you ever seen an angel? I’m proud to have seen one. In the end of NINETEEN EIGHTEEN FOUR when I was washing MY FATHER’S CAR, an angel appeared to me. A different kind of angel;  one that made me dislike angels. It was a DIZZY ANGEL. The angel told me that EVERYTHING GOOD WILL COME only when OLIVER TWIST decides to marry A WOMAN IN HER PRIME.

                                                                                    

  BY: ASEKHAMHE VINSON- ‘SHAKESPEARE’

 DEPARTMENT OF  MASS COMMUNICATION.

UNIVERSITY OF BENIN, BENIN CITY.